#Communication Skills, #New Year, #2024, #Mental Health, #Sorry

How many times a week do you hear the word, ‘Sorry’?

From the casual version which combines ‘oops’ and ‘pardon me’ to the more serious and considered apology, we often struggle to do sorry well.

In relationship, conflict happens all the time to varying degrees from the ordinary acknowledgement of our infringement on the other to the more serious impactful effect we can have on another’s wellbeing. Most often conflict happens because of our heterogeneity, our divergent needs, wants and expectations of ourselves and others. When conflict ruptures relationships, we need to know how to effect repair or we risk isolation, distance and separation. Offering a proper apology is a highly effective repair strategy.

There are six steps to an effective apology;

1. Recognise the impact of your actions on the other and express some regret.
2. Explain what went wrong – be descriptive not defensive.
3. Acknowledge your responsibility e.g. “It was my fault that …”
4. Commit to ongoing improvement by expressing what you will do to prevent a recurrence.
5. Offer repair e.g. “What can I do …”
6. Ask for forgiveness.

When using these steps, try to make more statements from an ‘I’ position, rather than ‘You’ statements e.g. it is never good to start an apology with words like “YOU ….”. This can be very challenging as we naturally avoid uncomfortable feelings like guilt and shame when we acknowledge our responsibility for our part in conflict. Taking responsibility for ourselves and our actions is vital for our self-esteem and our sense of integrity. Personal responsibility also establishes and re-affirms trust in interpersonal relationships.

Next time there is an opportunity for apology, instead of shooting off a quick ‘Sorry.’ try the six steps and notice you and the other’s response.