#Communication Skills, #New Year, #2024, #Mental Health, #No
I sometimes like to think about how I am in relationships with other people. Though some relationships are closer than others, and all relationships exist in specific contexts, I think about my responses to when someone asks me to do something for them or invite me to participate in some action, project or endeavour. What I think about, is why I answer the way I do so that I can figure out why I often get myself into situations where I over promise and find myself burned out or over burdened early in the new year.
Learning to say no is a vital part of healthy relating but we often feel very uncomfortable with saying no, and, seeing our only other option as it’s opposite, yes. I prefer to think about ‘No’ as existing on a continuum from a hard, definitive and unambiguous ‘No!’, through a qualified maybe all the way to the unconditional, exuberant, approving ‘Yes! The various options on that continuum I find work well for me can be summarised as;
- No!
- No, unless…
- Maybe…
- Yes, however…
- Yes!
- Let me think about it.
The idea of having multiple options instead of a binary yes/no gives me a broader sense of autonomy and choice. Knowing that I have at least six options allows me some space to consider the invitation or request in a more reflective way, offering myself time to think by pausing before I jump in with a response. Buying time before speaking is always a good option, particularly when the stakes are high.